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I Want More

I am not well traveled, but I have traveled enough to know that seeing everything doesn’t tame the wandering spirit.

I am not wealthy, but I have had the privilage of extra money to spend and know that money doesn’t satisfy want.

I am not fully educated but I have learned enough to know that learning all there is to learn still doesn’t bring full knowledge…. much less wisdom.

I am not liked by everyone, but I have had the benefit of some great relationships and know that being loved by all doesn’t bring full acceptance.

I am not well respected or famous and probably never will be, but I can imagin that fame doesn’t bring true sucess.

I (like to think I) am still young and have lots to discover and learn, but have learned enough to know that what I want isn’t found through traditional and common methods. 

I yearn for God who is everthing I wish for and more than I can imagin.  Can I prove it?  Have I found Him?  No, but I believe with all my heart that I will be much better off in my search for completness looking at and for Him than following traditional wisdom. 

I believe it, and yet, at the same time, it is so hard to live it.  I search for concrete, visable, and measurable success and God isn’t, and shouldn’t be, any of these things.  He can’t be caught, held, or owned.  If He could, he wouldn’t be God.

I believe humans are able to chase after one thing, and one thing alone.  When trying to chase many things at once, they all get away and we are left with nothing.  For me, I want that one thing to be Christ.  I want it in my head, I want it in my heart, but somehow I still end up lost and confused wandering after other things most of the time. 

Frusterated, I am thankful that while I try, often failing, to chase Him, He is always chasing me.  It is this hope and reasurance that makes it easier to keep trying again.  I am disapointed by how much I know I miss out on when I am distracted, but I feel blessed by how much he loves and forgives, and that I can be caught, held, and owned by Him.